Where Were You... LIAR!

I was just playing around on the internet and came across this contraption. This does not fare well for my children. Hell, even for my parents when they get old and start wandering away from the home.

This is a GPS unit that you can put in your kids backpack, lunchbox, pocket, etc. You then get online and you can track the device in real time to know where he/she is.

Hudson: "Mom and Dad, I'm going to the movies with Snyder and Jackson."
Mom and Dad: "Really, cause last time you said that you ended up at a strip club in Las Vegas drinking and selling small handguns and illegal marsupials."
Hudson: "How did you know that?"
Mom and Dad: "Little Buddy my sweet child. Little Buddy."

It probably wouldn't go down exactly like that but you get my point.

Can you imagine if they had these while we were growing up?

More info on this product can be found by clicking here.

Monchichi Barker...

I want to introduce you to my unborn son Stanton Hudson Barker. That is what Nicole thinks our baby will look like if he has my hair. That is not an actual picture of Hudson. That is a Monchichi. I have a slight hair problem. No, I am not going bald. Quite the opposite. If it was uttered in biblical time they would say my hair runneth over and poureth onto my forehead.

Can you believe that I am completely terrified of someone that weighs 1.5 lbs and is the size of a banana.

This is the little guy that is responsible for kicking my wife's ass for the last 5 months. I mean really wailing on her.

I am going to be responsible for another human. I have taken very good care of both of my dogs but i imagine that they were easy compared to a newborn. Do I feed, water, and walk little Hudson? That is what D and Daisy live for. How hard is it going to be to teach Hudson tricks? What kind of tricks do you teach a baby of your own? When I have a baby do I become a DILF? Does this make me more or less attractive? Isn't a baby the ultimate accessory? Who the hell answers these questions?

According to wife, there is to be no "that's what she said", comments during our baby class and the delivery. She obviously hasn't met me yet. How am I not going to giggle at the word vagina. What about all of the comedic genius lines that I have come up with for all the pregnant women in the room. Picture this, walking into the room with all the pregnant women and saying, "Wow, these girls are easy."

What makes this worse is that we are attending class with one of my best friends since we were in kindergarten. This is recipe for disaster. I will keep you updated and try to take very good notes on all of the "that's what she said" goodness.

Below are pictures from our last sonogram.

6 Months to Blog vs. 2 Weeks for...

Welcome to Barky's blog. I appreciate you taking time to visit. That cheesy picture above that looks like a bad sports newscaster photo is me. "And sports with Dan Barker."

For the last 6 months I have been thinking about writing a blog about the happenings in my life and the thoughts that play in my head. I have finally gotten around to making it happen. The last 6 months have been crazy. Why you ask? Well, let me list all the major events.

1. I was re-elected President of AAF-KC for a second term. For those that are not familiar with the American Advertising Federation, let me give you the highlights about the Kansas City chapter. Founded in 1902, AAF-KC (formerly the Advertising Club of Kansas City) is the largest communications organization in the metro with over 600 members. We have a very busy social calendar that includes educational programs, speakers, consultant tours, agency leadership round tables, charity events, happy hours, and a huge award show called ADDY's. I have a great board but at times this can be my second full time job. More info at www.aafkc.com.
   
2. My wife and I decided that we were going to try to make a baby Barker. We had no idea if it was going to take days, weeks, months, or years to get a Lil' Barky in our lives. (More on that later.)
3. I was approached by a company that does kid and family marketing about overseeing their new business efforts. I accepted the role of Director of Business Development in June and started the first week of August. The company is called Creative Consumer Concepts (C3) and can be found on the web at www.c3brandmarketing.com.
4. Above I mentioned that Nicole and I were "officially" working on a baby. Well it took all of 2 weeks to get that bun in the oven. From all the problems that I heard of fertility issues that ran in her family I was certain that it was going to take awhile. Maybe even a little help from a fertility doctor. Nope! This guy can make the impossible happen.
5. Now that the baby is on the way I have a crap load of work that I need to get done around the house to prepare for the grand arrival. Finish the basement, clear out the office, turn the guest room into the baby's room, move the guest room to the basement, and more I can't think of right now.
6. Nicole is 5 months along and we know the sex of the baby. If you know my wife and I, you know that we hate secrets. I would of paid to know what the baby was when we found out she was pregnant. We are having a boy. His name is Stanton Hudson Barker. Why Stanton you ask? Stanton is a family name. My dad is Stanton and my first name is Stanton. Time to pass the name down. He will go by Hudson or his nickname "Phog", after Phog Allen Fieldhouse where Nicole and I got engaged.
   

To recap - Re-elected, try to make a baby, take a new job, made the baby, lots of work to be done, baby boy named Hudson.

As MAX said in "Where the Wild Things Are," "LET THE WILD RUMPUS START!"